Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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