He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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