Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
