im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
