Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
