I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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