he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
