she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
