There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
