I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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