I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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