dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
