My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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