I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
