i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
