Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
