I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm getting married
To pizza
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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