Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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