It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
