What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We have started to decorate penises.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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