fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
