brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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