Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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