When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
