Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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