She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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