we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
worst night to have a conscience
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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