Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
