Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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