YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
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Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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