If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
