I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
