new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
