i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
