Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
