I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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