Your face is a jimmy john
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
