I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize