You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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