You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
