I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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