honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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