I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
