yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize