I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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