Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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