They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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