I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
