He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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