If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
