If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
