I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
