I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
