I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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