I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
