There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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