Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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