when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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