Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
