at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
