she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
