go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
