Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
