What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
