he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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