The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
