Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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